eJournal

Something to Make Me Happy

By Sharon Palmer

I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided to look at Barbie dolls for my nieces.

A nicely dressed little girl was excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well, with a roll of money clamped tightly in her little hand.

When she came upon a Barbie she liked, she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money to buy it. He usually said "yes," but she would keep looking and keep going through their ritual of "Do I have enough?"

As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started sorting through the Pokémon toys.

He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small. He, too, had money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so, at the most.

He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the Pokémon video games. Each time he picked one up and looked at his father, his father shook his head, "no."

The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully dressed, glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the block.

However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the little boy and his father. Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the video games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead. He and his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.

The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the Pokémon games. She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the other toys, and raced toward the check-out, after speaking with her father.

I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them.

Then, much to the little girl's obvious delight, the little boy and his father got in line behind me.

After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the cashier and whispered something in her ear. The cashier smiled and put the package under the counter.

I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in my purse when the little boy came up to the cashier. The cashier rang up his purchases and then said, "Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a prize!"

With that, she handed the little boy the Pokémon game, and he could only stare in disbelief.

It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted!

The little girl and her father had been standing at the doorway during all of this, and I saw the biggest, prettiest grin on that little girl that I have ever seen in my life. Then they walked out the door, and I followed, close behind them.

As I walked back to my car, in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that. I'll never forget what she said to him.

"Daddy didn't Nana and Paw-Paw wants me to buy something that would make me happy?"

He said, "Of course they did, Honey."

To which the little girl replied, "Well, I just did!"

With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Apparently, she had decided on the answer to her own question of, "Do I have enough?"

October 3, 2006

2:24 am

I don’t know what has gotten into me that I’ve decided to watch the movie “Passion of Christ”. Actually it’s my first time to watch it. It was lengthy really but I never thought that it would be that stirring. I cried a lot and it’s a breakthrough. T’was indeed a masterpiece, a must see movie. I just don’t know why it took me so long to finally grab that movie from CD rack and watch it. I did miss a lot of things if I haven’t watched it. Good thing I’ve sorted out our dusty DVD collection in the living room and here I am felt like I’m being renewed. Really! Watching and weeping for that movie has done something to me. I’m kinda relieved now from everything.

But the gloomy part is we had some fight (I mean me and Sandy), coz of some misunderstanding. And I think it’s because me, I’m just too moody and impulsive maybe coz of stressful day and anxiety for my up coming birthday. Well I’m looking forward to settle it down tomorrow. Hope he’s not mad at me after I hung up the phone.

2:55 am

I’m worn out, stressed, suffering some back pain and stiff neck but still I can’t shut my eyes and go to sleep. I really hate this insomnia. It’s getting into my nerve. And the most throbbing part is I can only sleep for like not more than 4 hours of sleep. And the more I try to force myself to sleep the more I’m getting so up and awake. What should I do? I even thought this writing habit can help me to put myself into sleep but it’s not helping at all. Sometimes while asleep my mind just woke me up and order me to go to grab my some pen and paper and ended up writing.

October 4, 2006

2:55 am

Good thing I’m done building my site in tripod and its https://jhoanneh.tripod.com/. But what I really want is to have my own domain name… and I’ve just check it in domains.lycos if the jhoanneh.com is available and it is. If only I have that money to sign up for my own .com.

Well right now I’m downloading some clip arts and templates from Microsoft.com. I have tons of cute clips right now and they’re all so cute and colorful. *cringed*

5:00 am

OMG its morning already and I’m still awake. And BTW I need to wake them up (Nang Josie, Claire, Trishel and Cookie) coz they need to catch up the FX for Pampanga in Cubao.

Since I can’t sleep I’ve come up with an idea, how about a bottle of beer to put me to sleep huh? Perfect right? Alrighty I have found some “Colt ICE” in the ref… its so enticing and it’s so yummy.

3:15 pm

Sometimes life tends to be so easy, yet so difficult. I’m not saying this because it was really like that (but hell it was really like that!) but because it is what I have seen to those people that surround me.

6:22 pm

I don't really like when the clock hits the 6 o'clock in the evening coz this bores me to death since Gian is akready asleep at 6pm. And as usual i'll end up pressing the remote to Channel 46 which is "ANIMAX", so while watching those same old episodes of anime, I often end up into throwing balls against the wall. And a gentle throw would do then after some throws it snuggles me down.

Then I’ve realized something. Everything that will happen is in our hand. It just merely depends to how much we throw the ball into the wall.

And a gentle throw would do then after some throws it snuggles me down.

Then I’ve realized something. Everything that will happen is in our hand. How strong the ball bounces back to us simply depends to how much we give to it as we throw the ball into the wall.

11:00 pm

I’ve been tossing around in my bed but still I can’t sleep even though my eyes were dropping so heavily. And this sprain in my arms really hurt. I got it when I fall coz of trying to save Gian from falling on the floor.

October 5, 2006

2:36 am

I’m sorting my IE history when I’ve seen that I haven’t finish the Karin anime and I kinda forgot what is it all about. Karin is a story of a vampire girl who’s unfortunately works like the opposite of her true type. Instead of sucking bloods to human she injects blood to them, and what is more unusual is she has this thing to those “unhappy type” of human. Her blood increases up to the extent of having some nosebleed if she can’t bite that unhappy person. It’s so funny really, and the rest of her family is so hilarious too. She has this clumsy vampire father named Henry and sexy and a little nasty mother named Carrera, a pervert brother (gees I forgot his name) and a younger sister named Anju who’s a lot much more opposite to Karin and she’s so pretty too than Karin. I’m done with episode 15 now and decided to stop right there to get some sleep.

3:01 am

Gian is still spinning and flipping in my bed and he’s even hitting my face. Gees good thing he stop as I give him his milk. Got to go, I’m sleepy na.

12:18pm

I was so stunned waking up in Nina’s room; I can’t even remember moving in there. I did move to her room an hour ago, she confirmed it. She woke me daw to watch over my nephew while she’s taking a shower. I thought I over slept and take a nice walk while sleeping. Gee silly me!

7:22 pm

He’s asleep so I can do my stuff now. 5 hours to go and I’m 22! I really don’t want to be 22!

11:01 pm

OMG I can’t access my IE. But I do have an Internet connection; well it shows in the task bar (Local Area Connection/Speed: 100.0 Mbps/Status: Connected).

October 6, 2006

12:05 am

Nina just showed up in my room and blurt out at me with a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” OMG it’s my birthday and I’m already 22!

1:26 am

I got some texts from my friends who remember my birthday!

3:25 am

My phone goes on tooting like crazy… it says “Happy Birthday!” anyways gotta go! Good night!

1:05 pm

Nina woke me up. Donn bought a whole LECHON for my birthday! Wahehehe it’s so yummy!

3:55 pm

He’s late again! I’ve been waiting for him for like 2 hours! Where could he be?

10:01 pm

Just got home from a date! It’s exhausting! *toot toot toot*

October 7, 2006

10:01 pm

I still don’t have an IE connection and it’s killing me! How am I supposed to update my website? I’m trying to fix it using the IE troubleshooter using the Help and Support but I really can’t make it! It’s so frustrating really! Then I’ve tried installing an MSN Explorer but I can’t it still need a net connection to process it! OMG what should I do now?

Here’s some of what I got from that Help and Support:

Internet Explorer Troubleshooter

What problem are you having?

I receive a "The page cannot be displayed" message. Or, I have some other problem that keeps me from viewing Web pages.

I have difficulty downloading files from the Internet.

I receive an "Internal Page Fault in MSHTML.DLL" message.

My favorites don't appear on the Favorites menu.

I get a message when I try to type an address in the Address bar.

Internet Explorer prints blank pages or prints only the header and footer of a page, or these problems appear in Print Preview.

I cannot modify the toolbars in Internet Explorer.

My computer stops responding while I'm scrolling through a Web page.

I want the troubleshooter to investigate settings on this computer.

NOTE: the highlighted in red is what I have choose then proceed…

Next Page:

Do you experience the problem at more than one Web site?

Yes, I've tried several different Web sites and I cannot view any of them.

No, I only have trouble viewing one particular Web site.

Next Page:

Are you connected to the Internet?

Click Investigate to have the troubleshooter detect this for you. This might take several minutes.

To view Web pages, you must be connected to the Internet using a network adapter or a modem.

To verify that you have an active Internet connection, ping the Internet Protocol (IP) address of your DNS server.

To determine the IP address of your DNS server

Open a Command Prompt window.

At the command prompt, type:

ipconfig /all.

Press ENTER.

The first address listed under DNS Servers is your primary DNS server.

To ping your DNS server

Open a Command Prompt window.

At the command prompt, type:

ping address

where address is the IP address of your DNS server.

Press ENTER.

Note

To open a Command Prompt window, click Start, point to All Programs, point to Accessories, and then click Command Prompt. Or, if you have used Command Prompt before, click Start, and then click Command Prompt.

The ping command sends four packets of information to the address you specify, waits for replies, and then displays the results. Near the bottom of the Command Prompt window is a summary similar to the following:

Ping statistics for 207.46.142.46:

Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 3, Lost = 1 (25% loss),

If three or four packets are received, your Internet connection is working.

If all four packets are lost, you are not connected to the Internet.

If two or three packets are lost, your Internet connection is not working correctly. You might have problems with the hardware that connects you to your Internet service provider (ISP) or local area network (LAN).

For assistance in troubleshooting Internet connection problems, go to the Networking Troubleshooter.

Important

If you go to another troubleshooter, you will leave the Internet Explorer troubleshooter.

Can you ping your DNS server successfully?

Yes, my Internet connection is working, but I still have a problem.

No. I will go to another troubleshooter to address my Internet connection problem.

I want to skip this step and try something else.

See what I’ve been through just to fix this damn net connection? I’ve even try the again using the instruction in “THE PAGE CANNOT BE DISPLAYED” instruction but still I didn’t work!

The Page Cannot Be Displayed

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Please try the following:

Click the Refresh button, or try again later.

If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.

To check your connection settings, click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Connections tab, click Settings. The settings should match those provided by your local area network (LAN) administrator or Internet service provider (ISP).

See if your Internet connection settings are being detected. You can set Microsoft Windows to examine your network and automatically discover network connection settings (if your network administrator has enabled this setting).

Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options.

On the Connections tab, click LAN Settings.

Select Automatically detect settings, and then click OK.

Some sites require 128-bit connection security. Click the Help menu and then click About Internet Explorer to determine what strength security you have installed.

If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for SSL 2.0, SSL 3.0, TLS 1.0, and PCT 1.0.

Click the Back button to try another link.

Cannot find server or DNS Error

Internet Explorer

October 8, 2006

2:51 am

Until now I still don’t have a net connection and it bores me to death… An hour ago I’ve tried to master the Adobe Photoshop and Image Ready but it’s too hard. So I thought of finding something to do… now I’m reading now the “DREAMWEAVER4/FIREWALL4” book so I’ll update you later okay?

4:34 pm

Since I still don’t have the net connection, I’ve tried some other things to do than hauling my entire cp just to know what the problem. So I took those chic magazine and try to flipping it out ‘til something will catch my attention. Boy its way too old to look at, if I'm not mistaken the last time I bought a magazine was last year.

11:05 pm

Just done watching some nice movie on the cable… good thing there’s a bunch of them today so I wasn’t really that bored throughout the day. I felt so tired today though I didn’t do anything that tiring. I still have this slight pain in my arm but my back aches more. Damn this sleeping position that I can’t rid off!

11:50 pm

Just finish doing some pose, yah you heard me right, snapshots! What else can I do? No net, no phone, good thing there’s electricity! Oh by the way I’ve made this camera thing just now…pretty chic huh?

Oh yah an hour ago I was looking with old magazines when I saw this pretty dress and outfit that could be mixed up together for a brand new look. What do you think? And I’ve even seen those nice wedding gowns!

October 9, 2006

12:23 am

We don’t what went wrong, the phone line is down and so as the internet connection. And I can see that there’s something wrong with our electricity too. It’s kinda super duper weak; it can’t even handle that much when the electric fan, TV and computer were on. The fan slows down instantly. The lights just get dimmer. So is it still coz of that incident happen during the typhoon MELINYO?

12:53 am

I can’t think of anything to write.

I’m so sleepy and I’m really into

writing right now.

Anyways let us call it a night!

Good night!

11:05 am

He’s asleep so its blogging time. You know what for so many months, today is the first time that I woke up so early in the morning. Nina woke me up for like 7 am to watch him over; I mean to watch Gian coz she needs to go to the “THE ALLEY”. Good news right, coz I’m learning to wake up that early, well with the help of my coffee to energize me a little coz I’m a bit sleepy an hour ago.

Donn bought a router and its good news too!

9:43 pm

Got something for me?No new things to know?Tsk tsk tsk… life sucks!

How am I supposed to look forward for tomorrow if my daily life is a mess and boring!

October 11, 2006

8:01 am

I’m waiting for Sandy. Well it’s kinda early pa!

10:35 pm

Just got home! I spent the whole day wandering and strolling in the malls from Ayala to Cubao. It was fun though tiring. Well of course I enjoyed it most coz I’m with Sandy the whole day. And oh I got this new canister from the Zagu. I’ll really wanna put its pix but I can’t download the pix right now. Too bad! But it is neat and pretty! It has this so Halloween styles and it has this question that asks “What’s your VOODOO Personality?” and it has these 5 different images of voodoo dolls:

       ZACK: The Thinker

He decides. He controls. The guy who knows it all.

       MIZZY: The Sassy Girl

She’s sweet. She’s lovely. She melts the heart of many.

       ZHAGGY: The Frankster

He’s hip. He’s funny. For sure he loves to party.

       ZYKE: The Zupahstah

She plays. She rocks. The deep and silent punk.

       RUZZ: The Boy-Next-Door

He’s charming. He’s sporty. He’s the man, absolutely.

October 12, 2006

8:49 pm

Whoa! I haven’t been too tired like this before! This day was so stressful and too tiring. Got to go, I’m too sleepy to spend another more minute to write something. Good night!

October 13, 2006

1:12 pm

I’m a bit stressed out and frazzled coz too much thinking with my current life right now. It even gives me sleepless nights. Got a bulgy eye bags and a pretty fine lines on my forehead! I’m 22 and it’s time for me to more realistic and practical. I’ll go famished to death if I won’t act now. I need to come up with a perfect plan.

5:29 pm

I’m currently transferring some MP3 songs to my computer. Well of course it’s all love song. Hopelessly romantic alright! Gees it’s a lot more like me! Hehehe! And oh trying to read a part of the XP Bible e-Book that I have downloaded recently.

9:05 pm

I’m having some hard time to sleep these past few days. As I my back touch the sheets of bed, I just can’t help it but my mind travels through time like imagining things, dreaming of some beautiful thoughts, minding problem at hand and etc. So what am I supposed to do? Sleepless night is killing me.

11:00 pm

My head is spinning! My heart wobble dabbles! My thoughts astray! My soul is coy! We had a stupid fight and for some reason, I don’t know if we could fix it up.

October 14, 2006

1:12 am

I think I’m insane! What do you think? Coz if I’m not, why do I’m having this thought of ending my suffering through suicide? I used to have this notion that only crazy people would think of suicides as a solution to a problem. Then now I’m in the midst of asking myself whether I’m sane or not. If you’d think of it (I mean my problem) it wasn’t that hard really (well if I’ll lie). I just can forget it like the way I always do. Forgetting works perfectly to me but it’s just that sometimes I’m having some trouble of forgetting some parts. Boy I even doubt myself now.

9:28 am

Good thing I’ve manage to put him to sleep. Well today is just another day for me to spend irrationally. Well I’m kinda fed up with this routine now. Well I knew you do know me that way right? I hate living a life in routine. I want a day different from yesterday and so as the next day. Much not like a typical life huh?

10:00 am

Just receive a text message from a friend that says “TRIALS don’t come to make us FALL, but for us to look for GOD and CALL. Trials don’t serve as KEY to HATE, but rather doors to greater FAITH.” It kinda put me into a deep thinking to what am I doing with those trials and how did I handle and reacted about it.

Wow! It indeed brought me a lot of HATRED, not just with God, with life, with fate even with myself.

12:03 pm

I have a story to tell you! Actually a friend sends it to me!

Cinderella at the night of the ball had a great time with the Prince. Yet when midnight came she chose to run away. Nevertheless, the night made her so happy.

LESSON:

It doesn’t take forever to make you happy. A moment can do if you put your heart to it. Never think of the future or the past. Enjoy the present and make the most of it.

2:16 pm

If days were as bored as today, I really won’t mind taking a ride to hell.

4:18 pm

I’ve found a bunch of wonderful CD’s from their collection. So here I am hurriedly inserted it to my drive and copy it… Hehehe!

10:34 pm

One sad fact about human nature is that we don’t seem to appreciate what we have until it’s gone. That’s how I’m feeling today. So much has happened since I’ve quit my job as a customer service representative. Staying at home wasn’t my craft really. Well I admit that I’m kinda sorry but I just can’t snatch it to bring it back. I guess I deserve it anyways.

11:05 pm

Life got really tough. I have nothing and there’s nothing to lose now. I miss my best friends Maricar, Mita, and Wina. What I really need at times like this were my friends to talk to.

October 15, 2006

12:09 am

Wonderful memories with my friends were all I had and just the thought of it makes me cry. We’ve gone to different ways and live different lives now. Well I guess I’m all alone now.

8:48 am

Good morning! I haven’t talk to him. Not yet, coz I’m not ready. Well there’s so much to do today!

10:18 am

Just now as I’m staring at my nephew’s angelic face while sleeping (he’s more cuter now coz he’s sucking his thumb) I’ve realize something though I’m a bit sorry for myself for quitting my job, I am still glad that I did that, well if I haven’t jump off to that idea I won’t be here now tending and taking good care of Gian. It’s such a privilege to take care a child while you’re still single (well that’s my opinion, so you guys don’t have agreed).

11:00 am

Maybe this is the feeling of all those Mother out there while they’re staring at their baby on their crib contented, at peace, unexplainable happiness and so much bliss. Well I may sound exaggerated but I’m so often at a loss every time I’m watching him sleeping.

3:36 pm

When I’m back with my usual life again, I will surely miss this very moment with him. It has never been the same since I’ve started to baby sit him and I know it will never be the same again. Oh I just love getting a glimpse of him.

7:55 pm

When there are times that when you look at me so wasted but still smiling it’s because I’m happy having my nephews, niece, friends and family with me.

9:03 pm

So I figured I might as well write in this document and just get it over with for the day. I don’t really like writing anything right now.

October 16, 2006

12:51 am

Out of all the twists and turns that I did I just can’t put myself to sleep. BTW today is Daisy’s birthday! I better text her at once before my UNLIMITEXT expired.

8:29 am

There’s nothing much to say really. As I woke up, I don’t even want to stand up and face the day.

2:35 pm

Another day spent in imprudently! What else to expect with a dumb ass like me anyways. Well it’s too early for say that anyways, the day is not over yet. I still have a lot of time to do things in my way!

3:55 pm

He hasn’t got up yet so I’m trying to find something sensible to do. Oh by the way I got some wonderful CDs and it’s so cute, it’s a “I Love My Baby 2”, “Lullabies”, and “Baby Genius”.

5:47 pm

I feel like I’m not in a good shape today. I felt a little dizziness an hour ago and because I carelessly skip my breakfast and lunch again. But I’m bit better now though my body still trembling a bit. I’m such a fool! Skipping a breakfast is okay but with lunch too surely isn’t acceptable.

6:01 pm

My mother used to tell me not to skip a single meal coz chances are that I might go insane and I have a history of Ulcer. I’m so stubborn and the outcome is this, I’m shivering coz of missing out some meals!

8:51 pm

I’m staring the ceiling impassively for an hour and so now and no matter how much I give some thoughts about it I just can’t come up a reason lucidly of this emptiness that I’m feeling right now. How can I be this dumb?

October 17, 2006

8:55 am

As I’ve expected after that long cry last night, I have a swelling eyes today and it’s so obvious. Hope no one will ask me anything bout it.

10:44 am

I’m trying to forget the incident last night and to pretend that he didn’t ask me that. But it echoes in my mind as if it was already programmed to come out somewhere whenever I’m preoccupied.

11:01 am

Am I nuisance? Do I have place to go in this chaotic life? Am I destined to be miserable forever?

8:58 pm

Claire, Red and Jessel arrived an hour ago. We’ve decided not to sleep tonight. Whoa it’s “GOSSIPING TIME!”

October 18, 2006

1:04 am

We’re still all up! Just wanna put something here coz I might not be able to update it until morning coz we’re not planning to sleep tonight.

1:43 pm

They just left awhile ago. So here I am struggling not to fall asleep while watching Gian playing. But I’m really sleepy. My eyes were dropping.

7:47 pm

Gees, Gian wasn’t in good mood today! He was so grumpy and he wants to be carried at all times. Good thing I’ve been able to put him to sleep. I’m so damn sleepy and so worn out!

October 19, 2006

7:05 am

Gian woke me up so early, good thing I sleep early last night. Well I need to put him to sleep later coz I have date. And we will gonna met at 11 am

10:05 am

Lynie isn’t home yet. She runs an errand to pay the electric bill and I’m gonna be late! OMG I think someone just ring the bell outside, it must be him!

9:45 pm

Just got home and I’m exhausted. Hehehe! Today is a great day! And oh I say Jepoy on out way to the mall, had a little chit-chat with him. He’s still in West and recently got promoted… and I’m so happy for him. And the awful part is when I got home I have some colds! And I’m still sneezing like hell!

11:05 pm

My colds weren’t getting better. And it’s the sinusitis that’s upsetting me much. Anyways I need to rest a little earlier tonight coz I don’t think I could stand this pain any longer.

October 20, 2006

8:54 am

I’m not feeling well today than yesterday. I can hardly breathe with my clogged nose and it makes me cry! It’s really depressing catching a cold!

10:36 am

I’ve managed to put him to sleep though I’m not that well. Guess I need to sleep too while he’s asleep.

October 22, 2006

11:15 am

I’m rushing myself to finish my work while he’s still asleep; I gazed blankly at my monitor, what to write is all I have in mind. Gees its getting into my nerve! I’m totally hopeless.

October 23, 2006

1:54 am

It’s so quiet outside! Its dawn already and with the little light from lampshade I could see her (Lynie) silhouette crouching and well she’s fast asleep on the couch. I’ve been flipping and tossing the whole night and I just can’t sleep.

October 24, 2006

12:12 am

The past weeks were more loaded than usual. I can’t even enjoy a plopped in the sofa and watch favorite cartoon series. Sigh. Gees I’m so tired.

October 25, 2006

1:05 am

I'm bored to death so I thought of writing something abotu me in a Question and Answer way...

How would you describe yourself?

I may say I’m a bit optimistic. I try to enjoy things in life. I find pleasure having a coffee and a book, hanging with my friends and having a good conversations with them. I love fashion; I love to travel, to sleep, to browse the net and to eat.

Tell us more about you.

I’m a cry-baby. I cry over the smallest things. A movie makes me cry whenever I’m touched, I cry even when I’m happy. I’m upset when I’m bored.

October 28, 2006

5:35 am

After that first heartache I’ve been asking if it is really possible to find someone who could love me without hurting me. I know it wasn’t possible, it’s just that a part of me wanna convince myself that there’s a little chance that it does exists.

Now I admit that it is completely impossible to find a guy who won’t even hurt me (coz he doesn’t exists anyway), so I go for a guy who will love me and may hurt me but will make that hurt worthwhile. Then it put me into silence and give a thought about it, did I make it right? Was the pain he caused worthwhile?

I don’t know if it’s okay with me to say that I regret every word I said to make him feel special.

November 4, 2006

4:58 am

I guess this is for real. I’ve lost everything. I don’t know how it happens. I just woke one day feeling empty. The usual emotion of love was totally gone, only space and numb. How I am going to explain it to him? I just don’t love him any longer!

It’s giving me some migraine. I just don’t have the guts to break it up with him. I don’t even know the reason behind the changes of my feelings. I don’t know how deal this stuff. I’m so confused!

November 8, 2006

1:52 am

Gees, my clock is ticking back and forth. I just can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking of a lot of things like my plan to enter the prestigious UP Diliman. And yeah my tummy is in topsy-turvy. I have butterflies tonight. I can’t sleep.

November 10, 2006

12:15 am

Why can’t I just settle to one single thing and focus myself to it. And why can’t I decide to things that matters most. This gives me a hard time and headache. Why can’t life just be a simple and easy? Well, a lot more like me huh, I’m whining again. But I really want to come up with simple and yet effective action from me like finishing even the simplest walk I’ve started to walk to. Maybe with that step as a start, maybe at least once I could say that I’ve done something that I’ve finished.

November 12, 2006

5:36 pm

Why is it hard to be happy when you’re in love? You worry, cry, and envy others. You give everything yet it isn’t enough. Is it like this when you love someone or just stupid to fool for someone who can’t see your worth?

November 13, 2006

10:11 am

If ever you’ll find someone who makes you smile through storms, comfort you until sun down, face the fact, keep and never let go of that person. There’s no “right one” when the “real one” comes along.

November 14, 2006

3:36 pm

Isn’t life unfair? You turn out to love someone who couldn’t love you just how you expect it to turn out to be. But still you continue loving coz you hope things will end up fine. But it wouldn’t… you cry, feel bad and end up broken. You wanna hurt that person but you just hurt yourself more. Why so much bitterness traps inside of you? Why does love exist to makes us happy, on the other hand, miserable and hurt? Traumatize? Crazy yet funny… it is to realize that before it all ends, you’ll find yourself thinking that you still wanna try all over again with the one you love.

November 15, 2006

1:05 am

It’s easy to fall completely with someone… its easy to believe all those lies… its easy to lose yourself to someone you hardly know… but why isn’t easy to forget someone you love, who found it easy to let you go?

November 16, 2006

12:45 pm

It’s not wrong to still love someone that you’ve loved before but if the love you feel brings tears to someone else, be fair coz you might never knew that the one you’ve hurt is the one who could love you even more.

November 17, 2006

6:59 pm

“What is broken destiny?”

It’s when two people love each other but for some reasons they can’t be together, that is a broke destiny.

“Loving someone that could never be yours…”

November 18, 2006

8:47 am

When you love someone fight for what you feel but if the one you love loves someone else LET GO and be like a soldier knows when to fight and when to surrender.

November 19, 2006

7:53 pm

If love becomes painful, it’s time to let that love go and save “YOURSELF!” You got to keep this in your mind: “You’ll be able to find another love but not another self!”

November 20, 2006

11:05 pm

There are things in this world that can never be ours. Just coz of these simple truths:

they’re bad for us

they already belong to someone else

we already lost the opportunity to claim them as our own and

they’re just not meant to be ours

So if you’re caught up with wanting something you clearly can’t have, please remember you may trade in all your cards for what you want but in the end, maybe you’ll find that it’s not something you really needed.